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SURRENDER is to trust, to let go and to fall — trusting that one will be caught by life, by love, by wonder, by another. Surrendering brings great pleasure when one learns to let go of controlling the body, the emotions, and the ego and devote oneself to something greater. It’s as applicable in lovemaking as well as in life in general. But unfortunately, there is an overvaluation of power in today’s society, and everyone is fighting for it, while surrender is undervalued.
Moreover, surrender touches upon masochism, physically enjoying endorphins rushing through the body and emotionally letting go of shameful limiting beliefs. The most basic idea I learnt from Zen Buddhism is that bliss emerges when we stop fighting and accept life as it is, and then there is no suffering. Before psychology considered masochism a disease, religion thought it to be the cure. And I think there is something to that when it’s conscious and consensual. In my experience, anyone can enjoy or at least find this exploration meaningful when it’s slow enough and well-balanced between safety and bravery.
Surrender traditionally belongs to the feminine aspect of the esoteric erotic polarity, but I’m convinced that it’s essential for everyone of any (and no) gender. Incorporating it into oneself can simply tickle one’s curious approach to life or become a life-long artistic endeavour, critical self-development, or passion for lovemaking. While teaching surrender, I also indirectly teach how to hold space for another’s process of letting go. Participants describe it as intimate, vulnerable and trusting. And it makes them more resilient to the hardships of life.
EARTH AND SKY.
As rope bondage is the primary modality for my way of teaching surrender, I offer it in two different variations, earth and sky. The difference is in the technicalities of patterns and positions. The sky variation always works with an external anchoring point, like a pillar, beam or piece of furniture, and more closely mimics the aesthetics of the late 20th-century Japanese masters. It invites the intensity of gravity and the exploration of physical distance with emotional intimacy, where the rope, as a material, becomes the third lover in this ménage à trois. In the earth variation, on the other hand, the rope is the cord tying two hearts together, philosophically speaking. There is no use of external anchoring points, and every movement is solely a power play, a reenactment of the eros between two beings, so instead, the aesthetics are more that of tango meets butoh meets aikido. It uses body weight and pressure for intensity and emphasises physical intimacy. Both variations are available to beginners after a short, free online course, but of course, knowing how to tie beforehand will unravel more subtle details and advanced interpretations.
What You Can Expect:
-60% ROPE
-20% S/M
-10% Ritual
-10% Play Party
Are You A Beginner?!
Before Attending Surrender, Watch the Modules and Videos to Prepare. You do not need to be an expert to attend this workshop but do familiarize yourself with the videos and below.
WATCH PREREQUISITE VIDEOS/MODULES!
CONSENT
While consent, boundaries, and trauma awareness are paramount in my group processes, I do not offer a beginner-friendly nor theoretical introduction to the topic, like twenty good questions to ask when engaging with a new play partner, extensive self-inquiries on knowing what you want and how to communicate that, or learning how to interact with an unknown body for the first time. Don’t get me wrong, you’ll get to practice these skills in every exercise, but I will assume you already have a basic knowledge of them. Instead, I aim to help you dive deeper into these often emotionally fraught waters of intimacy and not knowing. One that, in an embodied way, balances artfully and respectfully between safety and bravery.
Please Read This Article on Consent before the workshop: https://andyburu.se/book/first-paradox/chapter-2/consent-as-feeling-together/
WHAT IS A SEX POSITIVE SPACE?
Working with the eros as a group process often raises questions about sexuality, nakedness and consent, especially when using modalities from the space in between esoterism and sadomasochism. Most bluntly, people ask me if it's a swinger's party or an orgy that they are going to. Or if something that is often considered very private or even sacred to them will be kept safe in the presence of others. The best answer I can give is by defining a sex-positive space.
Basically, it means welcoming all forms of sexuality, and very importantly, that includes no sexuality. It's a sex-positive space, not a sex-mandatory one. It includes all forms of orientations, genders, sexes, practices, kinks, devotions, or fetishisations. Simultaneously, it's not a "safe space" nor a separatist space for any one kind of orientation. It praises the idea from BDSM that "Your Kink Is Not My Kink, But Your Kink Is Okay", which means if another person's sexual orientation is triggering to you, then you move yourself elsewhere. But, still, everyone is submitting themselves to a shared and often fairly particular theme, and if you deviate too far from that theme, you'll likely and lovingly be told so.
It also borrows the idea from contact improvisation that "a dance" can be anything from fingers lightly touching for a fraction of a second to hours of diving deeply into slowness, embodiment and vulnerability. And both are valued equally. It aims to abandon the normative relationship escalator, which assumes that A must lead to B and C—a flirtatious compliment to a coffee—a date to a kiss—Netflix and chill to a one-night-stand—an innocent play to a long-term relationship. Instead, it invites you to relinquish your (and society's) expectations and discover something uniquely unknown.
Obviously, consent and consciousness are essential. You'll (almost) always be given an elegant and gradual way of escalating and de-escalating interactions that are slow and defined enough so you can remain conscious about what you are getting yourself into (or out of). That being said, sex-positive spaces do not replace therapy and depend on you and your nervous system being able to navigate a space of both intense and intimate human interaction. In the end, a sex-positive space is a space to celebrate the diversity and creativity of the eros in all its shapes and forms. And I'm genuinely sorry that I can't provide a more scientific description, so in the end, I have to ask your trust to take a step into this mystery called life. Hopefully, I got you. And no, it's not a swingers party nor an eye- gazing contest.
Are you ready for this?
If you are looking for that introduction to consent, I recommend getting familiar with the work of Betty Martin and their School of Consent.
How consent, boundaries and trauma awareness are dealt with differs substantially in different cultures and communities, so I’ll communicate in person how it works in each of the spaces I offer, as it also varies based on the topic and level.
NOTE! The focus is NOT on learning the ropes, but on the POWER-PLAY that happens between the two individuals involved. There will be opportunity to try out ropes, but focus is learning to FEEL the game that's going on.
Video with Andy and ropes:
https://andyburu.se/home/
Get a deeper impression of Andy Burus teachings 1-1:
https://videopress.com/v/FhjlCFYl
What you can expect:
Saturday
9:30 -10.00 Morning movement for tuning in
10.00-13.00 Workshop
13.00-14.30 Lunch
14.30-19.00 Workshop
Sunday
12.00-15.00 Workshop
15.00-16.00 Lunch
16.00-19.00 Workshop&ending
19.00-19.30 Cleaning the space together and goodbye for now
What do I need to bring?
-Ropes (3) per person
-toys that you are already very familiar with (optional)
-sealable water bottle
-lunch (optional)
-yoga mat/cushions/blanket/anything that may make your experience more comfortable working on the floor,
-your own personal towel/sheet
-journal if you wish
FAQ
Do I need to have a partner for this workshop?
No, this is available for Singles and Couples. If you are a single, you may not necessarily find a partner for some of the activities as we do not force people to partner with anyone or nor will we be assigning partners.
What is the curriculum of the workshop?
This is still the more or less response that I gave you several weeks ago. A lot of things are experiential in nature, and are ALL optional. This question would also be impossible to explain in full detail as this workshop is a 2-day event.
What is the audience level this workshop is designed for?
The audience level is people with an understanding of consent, boundaries and can have high communication with discussing these things. In this regard, this is not the workshop for understanding how to have these types of conversations. Background in Sex positive spaces would certainly come in handy. Prior experience in intimacy/sexuality workshops, would also be incredibly supportive to the container. This workshop may also be a very edgy workshop if someone has no experience in kink, BDSM and these themes are brand new. We are welcome to beginners, but there is the baseline minimum expectation of a DEEP understanding of consent, your boundaries, respecting others and what is means to ADD to the space in a respectful way. Any kind of misconduct, disregarding someone else's consent and boundaries will not be tolerated and will be asked to leave.
Is this workshop limited to a certain group or identities?
21+ event. All other demographics are welcome. There are two flights of stairs and there is no elevator in the venue.
This workshop is conducted in English; there is not someone to sign or offer other languages or interpretations, unfortunately.
What are the registration fees?
$500 for the entire weekend
Discount available for BIPOC folx.
Have More Questions?
Please contact the organizer of this event:
Candice Leigh (she/her) at kinksandcandi@gmail.com