Top. Middle. Bottom.

In most D/s scenes…there is a Top or Dom and a bottom or sub.

What happens when you play with three?

Menage a trois…adds in the gorgeous possibility of a Middle…both someones Top and also someones bottom. Has power…but not all the power and can be overridden by the Top. This was one of my favorite BDSM scenes I’ve had in quite a while. It fulfilled so many of my desires in one scene—-a man and woman…which created energetic verticies that would have otherwise not been there. It was sensual AND intense AND explored a deep range of power dynamics and shifting in and out of them.

I’m writing from my perspective and the scene started as me as the Top.

I sit in the royal chair as they both sit on the ground in front and below me. I feel into both of their energy systems and what I sense most is the innate desire of purely wanting to please.

“I have to go to the bathroom.” the pretty middle Alli says. She starts to move her body to make her way to the bathroom but I interrupt her.

“Do you want to ask permission to go to the bathroom?" I scold.

She asks in a meek-ee yet cheeky voice, making me so mad with intensified passion at how fucking cute she is. I instruct her that she will crawl on all fours to the bathroom and shake her ass like a cat to get there. She nods her head and moves stealthily on all fours to the bathroom. She is wearing a bejeweled mask over her eyes and a see through black gown with no undergarments. I enjoy my vantage point and my attention doesn’t leave her until she arrives at the bathroom.

“Close the door.” I demand.

The door shuts and my attention upon her shuts as well. I immediately bring my energy to the bottom, little Andy.

“Feed me a strawberry.” I quicken.

He slowly grabs for a strawberry and as it is in my purest pleasure, I move to meet him down on the ground. He goes to slowly put it in my mouth and I stop him, instructing him to just hold it still.

I close my eyes and bring my lips to the strawberry, moving and tracing the strawberry and enlivening my experience with every sensual touch of each seed on my mouth. I dance with the strawberry and enjoy his gaze upon me…leading me to eventually take a small bite of the strawberry, opening my eyes to meet his right as I bite.

He is my bottom in this moment, but I find his eyes pleasurable.

The bathroom door opens and the minxy Alli cat crawls back to the both of us. I appreciate her and find her very alluring without even trying.

“Where are your body paints, kitty cat?” I ask. Before she answers, I realize I have absolutely no interest in where they are and only interest and impatience that she find them, bring them to me.

She begins to answer, I interupt her and simplify my request with a “Just bring them to me so I can paint you two.”

She brings them to me and I ask her a few questions about the toxicity in the paint and if they are washable (such a practical conscientious Dom…)

She is such a good little girl and answers my questions efficiently and I proceed to instruct her to lay down and pour white paint in her belly button. I take her dry and juvenile paintbrush and tease her lips with the faux hairs. She giggles and I keep my composure seeming unamused…but really…I’m completely enthralled with her.

I take the paintbrush and gently caress Andy’s lips also. He appears to enjoy it…and I like this too, but less. Alli’s giggle awakens something in my heart and Andy’s pleasure awakens something in my mind. And I do not know why this is, but it just is.

I wet the paintbrush with Alli’s mouth and then his mouth too. This turns me on and I feel proud of my choices…beyond the moment but in life too. I like being here and I like being with them.

I paint a white snake on her chest, slithering up from her naval to her right shoulder. I paint a white dot on his naked crown, followed by several rings around the white dot.

I enjoy this moment deeply but feel a bit desirous to let this role end. I turn to her and give her clear instructions that she is the lead and she is to choose who is now middle, and who is now bottom.

She chooses me to be middle and him to remain bottom.

I ask permission to go to the bathroom, she approves. She instructs me to come back after using the toilet and instructs him to wash my hands while I am lying down.

He grabs a bowl of warm water and a bar of soap. I lay down on the floor, in deep comfort while he takes my left hand and brings it into the warm water, touching me so gently and sweetly cleaning in between my fingers. I surrender into middle, enjoying this pampering also while she leads, observes, approves of us both.

Her approval feels nice. I wonder and hope she doesn’t see me as a threat. I sense she doesn’t and I feel able to relax even more.

After my hands are bathed, Alice delivers us news that she is now to become the Middle, I the bottom and him the Top.

We nod and immediately go into our new and remaining roles.

I am still fully dressed, wearing a black shell leotard with long sleeves and cut outs in the waste and black pants. He instructs me to become dressed to my comfort, but to do this very slowly and facing away from him. He tells Alice to sit on the couch with him and watch me.

I slowly…millimeter movements at a time unbutton my pants. i eventually guide the denim off of my legs.

“Even slower…” he says.

Facing away from him, I smile and enjoy this hidden flirtation. I become young and so innocent. I continue taking off my clothes slowly and deliberately. The bodysuit is next.

I begin to unbutton the three snaps that holds my bodysuit together, the piece of fabric that slips a bit into my vulva, making contact with my wetness.

“Tell her what you see…” he says.

I become embarrassed, still not facing the two of them and mistake his words thinking he is speaking to me. I laugh with embarassment, realizing I have never described what my wet turn on laid upon my bodysuit looks like to anyone before.

I begin to speak and am quickly corrected to not speak and that the instruction was meant for her. I relax a little and feel relief as if I just got away with something…that maybe he didn’t see or notice anything…and that it was just me. Secret sly little brat I am.

I am glad I do not have to describe what I just saw and then am pleasantly surprised with what Alli says.

“Oh…she looks so beautiful and watching this is so, so sexy.”

“Yes, good girl.” he says.

“Now turn around very, very slowly.” I listen and assume this direction is for me.

I turn around, sitting cross legged and make the mistake of looking at them.

“Do not sit like a little yoga girl with your legs folded and also do not look at us until I give you permission.”

I uncross my legs.

“Yes.” he says.

Now sit like a Slut.

I open my legs like a “M” and keep my eyes cast down.

“She is so beautiful!” she says.

“Now from here on…you will be Slut (referring to me) and you will be Toy (referring to her).”

I nod and feel very aroused at this scenario and am very curious as to what will be happening next…and my pleasure at the order hierarchy of this. I like him being Top, her middle and me bottom.

“Open your mouth”, he says.

I follow.

“Wider and stick out your tongue”, he demands.

I obey.

I begin to salivate and go into a unique and surprising space of shame and embarrassment. I’m a bit embarassed by my messy drool starting to slip from my mouth onto the floor. I don’t like to make messes and speak a jibberish that is incomprehensible to hear because of course my mouth being open.

“You have something to say, Slut?” he says.

I nod and he gives me permission.

I express that I feel embarrassed for drooling and making a mess.

Later he tells me that it was one of his favorite parts and something he loves the most of Domination.

When the submissive truly finds places and spaces… of embarrassment. My Dom self deeply understands this and conquers and delights at memories where my submissives have found new places of raw shyness and the sweetness of their vulnerability. Sweet babies.

“Now Toy, go get the leather bodysuit under the bed.” he says. “And the mask!” he adds.

Toy brings the leather bodysuit to us and he informs me that he just got this piece and that I will be the first to enter it. I feel excited, privileged and special to hear this.

Getting into the sleep sack was fun. Both of feet were put in first, knees bent and made to sit just like Baddha Konasana (a yoga pose). Both of the bottoms of my feet were touching, supinating open like a good yogi inside of a bodybag. My arms were put in next and folded and tied at the elbows. It was a full body restraint with no where to go. Next he put a mask on me where I couldn’t see but could breathe very well. The body bag had a few zippers, three that I remember…one near each nipple and one near my vulva. I enjoyed being played with by both of them. Every time the zippers came undone, I felt an extreme anxiety and fear of having my skin being zipped…or fear of them being careless with my body or hurting me.

But they never did. There was no pain.

I enjoyed the submission without pain…emotional or physical. It was a nice change and shift from the last year of my life with exploring deep emotional masochism, which I think I have outgrown or grown bored with.

Toy kissed me through my mask, the gentle and thin mesh between our lips. I felt safe. It was the right amount of contact…not too much, nor too little. It was right.

My vulva zipper was unzipped and a task was given to me. I was to count down from 100 while being teased with a vibrator. I do not know who was holding the vibrator but this game was torture and He was really strict with my counting.

It seemed as if everytime I approached the last few digits in the set, I would almost cum. Ten times this happened.

94…93…92…911111111111….99999999900000000

I felt them as orgasmic anethesiologists …completely in charge of my fate…my life…my moments of almost letting go, playing my orgasmic energy like sound notes, bringing me so, so, sooooo close to little moments of death. Ten times. Ten times of almost deaths, so, so close to death.

But I never quite let go. So much mind, then body. Then body, then mind.

I’m so close. Painfully close.

But all of a sudden in this extrememly submissive space, I feel so much more aware of subtle moments of my own shame, shyness, fear, so deeply not wanting to fully let go…not sure if I’m even allowed to really let go!

I do. But I don’t too.

I let go. But I also don’t.

It doesn’t matter.

I am so here. So present. Only with Toy and Sir.

And in this moment, it feels like the most perfect place on earth.

Just us three. Right here, right now.

Eventually all the zippers were zipped up and I was lifted up and put back in a sitting position. It felt like I was lifted and placed upon a table, for all my senses were voided and my body in space was completely disoriented—-in a great way. I loved not exactly knowing details and loved the mystery and the terror this short moment awakened in me. My perception of being placed on a higher surface gave me a brilliant moment of fear play…feeling that if I moved too much, I may fall…further deepening my experience of true confinement, and the safety and internal structure this created. Or maybe at minimum, remembering that I am OK even if I cannot see everything that is happening to place a bit more trust in the unknown.

I sat in total darkness and stillness but could hear them enjoying each other. I could hear Toy deep-throating Sir and the very specific gurgling of a cock that sounds painful, like someone being strangled.

They made me sit and listen until Sir took my hood off and to my surprise I was sitting upright on the floor, the elevated illusion just that…an illusion. I awakened my vision to Toy’s sparkly eye mask, her face in deep pleasure with his sex in her mouth.

“Do you like what you see?” he asks.

“Yes. Very much so…” I remark.

“This cock isn’t for you, Slut. This is just for Toy. Now Toy, what else do you want to do with my cock?”

Toy asks permission to ride Sir’s cock and with approval proceeds to climb upon him, encompassing his sex deep into her.

I watch blankly. I am not aroused, nor unaroused. I feel content and think how pleased with my position I am and actually do not feel like engaging in anything explicit in this scene, so little me completely restrained watching the two of them is right where I need to be.

Neither of them cum and the scene slowly transitions into completion. I am taken out of my restraint, fed strawberries and cuddle gently with both of them in my own way. We discuss books and shared interests for a while and the mood is soft, unrushed…unhurried.

I am in pure ease. I look at the time and realize that I have been there for 6 hours. Six hours of exploring a new reality…a new magical room.

I walk about 40 minutes back to my hotel. The walk on a late summer evening in Stockholm is stunning and I am in bliss. A few hours later, I am on a flight back to NYC, more opened and alive…more grateful.

[Upon some reflection after this scene, I realized how great this scene really was for my nervous system and my sensory intake system. I had just been at a tantra festival with 600 people, took several workshops and had been wondering about Stockholm for a few days with an unfamiliar language, setting…everything. This kind of containment was SO stabilizing for me, believe it or not. After this scene took place, something in me just busted. I feel like I had a breakthrough. All of a sudden, I felt more connected. More open.

I felt more awakened and my sense of trusting other people had been restored…after a few months of really being disappointed by humans.]