& Mangoes

This practice that I engage in...that I call Naked Yoga Therapy seems to constantly evolve, deepen, heighten, and challenge me in new ways I never thought possible. My life and my personal experiences change me; therefore, my work constantly changes.  And this is just the beginning.

I have had new embodied experiences recently that have to do with the differing qualities of being naked, feeling naked, nudity, vulnerability, and understanding the difference between them.

This past weekend, I performed nude for a friends art opening. I was wearing a very eery mask, white tulle and my nude self. No clothes, no fabric, just my skin. I loved this new sensation---this feeling of performing. Of owning my body, yet hiding my face. There was something easy about it, sneaky, powerful, playful. Annonymous, which is one of the reasons why I keep falling in love with New York.

I'm very addicted to feeling annonymous.  Well, sometimes. Being SEEN is a certain addiction too.

There was also something powerful with being able to hide the emotions on my face, something that I'm typically terrible at. What you see is what you get; what you see is who I am. I wouldn't describe this experience as being particularly vulnerable. It didn't challenge me like I thought it would, but I still felt something new. A new and heightened sense of self liberation. A new feeling of comfort in my body and self...a new way of expression.

A few days later is when the REALLY vulnerable experience came...

I was with a lover in my bedroom for the first time. I can still smell him. A new fragrance of work and cedar but some sweetness in his jasmine. He's a yogi and the way he moves mirrors mine. Strength and grace. His touch is so delicate, just how I like it. Firm too. When it's right.

My clothes are on, but I'm feeling so naked. So raw. This moment almost feels too intense but I don't know why. It doesn't feel sexual, but another level of sensual. I notice my abilities to absorb. To absorb another persons energy---I have always known and felt this, but I experienced this in a brand new way. It's so subtle. Like sensing magic. Like seeing the ripples and effects of tracing your finger through water that was once still.

It effected me.

We came to sit back to back to breathe with one another, a very simple tantra yoga practice. Clothes on.

For some reason, I had to stop. It was too much for me. I wasn't ready to connect energetically--not out of fear--but out of self preservation. I felt like I could have dove so deep into him that it could have been too much. Too much, too quickly.

I felt effected. It was so simple. The subtle under the subtle. The feeling under the feeling. The essence under the known essence, and too, under the unknown essence.

I realized in this moment that things intensify when you bring two VERY conscious beings together. His presence, awareness, and being-ness completely heightened my own sensing and intuitive abilities.

This is why Tantra is a very fast track spiritual path. You not only are working with your divine energy, but the divine energy of another person. It's so real; therefore, it's REALLY important to sometimes go...very...very...slow.

Slow burn. Slow control. Slow connect. Slow and so, so deep. Mmmmmmm. Delicious.

Sometimes the most powerful experiences are the most quiet.

It felt like mixing gold and silver, but I wasn't ready to feel the full alchemy of possibilities. This was a new feeling for me.

I usually want more; I usually feel ready for more, but tonight I couldn't handle any more.

Again, my clothes never even left---but my energy, my heart, my vulnerability felt so exposed.

On this particular magical evening, this was my edge. It was my stopping point---and it has never felt so simple. Real. And deeply connected.

I expressed all of this with words. He got it.

He understood. Didn't push. Didn't question. Didn't press.

I also expressed that I needed to sleep alone on this particular night.

He understood. Didn't push. Didn't question. Didn't press.

He left a mango that we got earlier on my altar and left quietly, that I ate the following day in the most sensual and awakened way I could possibly experience this gift.

A gift. It's all a gift.

Treat it like one. Remember that there is only ONE. The only thing that divides our oneness, is our unique embodiment. We are of the same matter and it both matters and doesn't matter.

Tantra. An instrument to spread, share, illuminate our ONENESS.

I've never felt so respected. So seen. So understood. So fucking turned on. So naked. So ONE.